Friend Or Foe?

Sometimes our parents can be our friends. They'll drive us around, make us after school snacks, let our friends come sleep over and even let us go to the mall by ourselves. Yes, our parents can in fact be cool. When they're nice, it seems like the perfect relationship, where all they care about is your happiness. I know for me, there were times when my parents were awesome. Like when I was in high school and they let me stay out till 10:30 or 11 watching a movie at my friends house. In fact, I really didn't have a curfew per say. It was just as long as I was home at a decent hour and they knew were I was.

Although they can be nice, other times it seems like our parents are just a big enemy that we're always battling. Like they won't let us go to youth group until after our homework's done. Or they make us do 50 chores like Cinderella before they let us hang out with our friends. Or during our favorite TV show they tell us that if we don't take out the trash that we'll be grounded. Or maybe they won't take us to the mall because they don't feel like it. Or maybe they cause us so much pain because in their selfishness they don't keep promises, or they're always drunk or verbally abusive. At times you feel like their goal in life is to make you miserable. Like when I was in junior high I liked to hang out in my room, talk to my friends on the phone or play video games. But I would always get in trouble because they didn't want me to hang out in my room they wanted me to hang out and talk with them, even if there was nothing they wanted me to talk about. Or they would make me weed the entire garden before I could invite friends over. They knew I hated to weed, but they made me do it anyway.

It's said that, "people who love us the most can also hurt us the most." This is so true. Those who love us most, know us most and know how to push our buttons. So, what do we do when our parents are acting like a foe. What can we do when they're causing us pain and frustration? Join us tomorrow night as we wrap up our series on Teens Vs. Parents and look at how and why our parents can be friends AND enemies and what we can do when we think they're being an enemy.

(Don't) Stick It To The Man

Have you ever noticed how much humanity loves to rebel? Everyone seems to love "sticking it to the Man." And I'm not just talking about wanting our own way and rebelling against God. Rebellion seems to be a part of who we are. Every where you turn there seems to be some sort of rebellion, some sort of fight against the ruling power. In the movie Star Wars, the Rebel Alliance fights against the Empire. In the Civil War the Confederacy fought the Union. In business, the unions fight against the companies. Criminals rebel against the government. Even a couple Christian, God fearing brothers are inciting the youth to join up in a "Rebolution" (a combination of rebellion and revolution) to fight against low expectations (in the book Do Hard Things). People rebel when they wish to live their lives opposite from the ruling authority or social majority. People fight because they think they know better.

Everyone sees rebellion within a family- a kid rebelling against his parents. We see this all the time. A child who rebels against his or her parent. Children rebel because they think they know better and what to live their lives different from how their parents want them to live their lives. Sometimes the rebellion is minor, a kid wants to die his hair blue or get their tongue pierced. But other times the rebellion is major, a kid runs away, or always do the opposite of what their parents want.

Even though I was a good kid, I still rebelled against my own parents. It didn't really heat up till I was in college. My big rebellious act was to stay up and out really late. My parents didn't like that I was staying out so late. In their minds, they were being fair & reasonable. They were worried that staying out so late would get me pulled over by the cops, or into an accident with a drunk driver. But my view was that I was an adult, over 18 and could, "live my life how I wanted." My curfew was something that my parents and I fought over many many times. Eventually we were able to talk civilly about it and come to an agreement. But not before a lot of fighting, pain and frustration.

Is rebelling against our parents really the right thing to do? Even if we have a good reason? Ephesians 6:1-3 says, "Children, obey your parents in the LORD, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' - which is the first commandment with a promise - 'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on earth.'" Why do you think God says that we'll be well and enjoy a long life on the earth if we honor and respect our parents (as opposed to rebelling against them)? We'll be talking about this and more tomorrow night at Crash. So I hope to see you all there.

Expect Expectations

I have been blessed with parents who have motivated and challenged me to be the best I can be. The best part is, what I knew they expected was hard but it wasn't impossible. They knew what I could do and challenged me to do better. For example, my parents challenged me to get good grades. They knew I could get 'B's so that was what they expected. But they help me and challenged me to get even better grades. My dad even made a deal with me that if I got honor roll he would buy me a Nintendo 64 (that was the big thing when I was a kid). I would try and try and honestly I didn't get it for a long time. It wasn't until my 8th grade year that I finally, and after a lot of hard work made honor roll. My parents knew I could do it. They didn't just expect it from me, they challenged me, pushed me, and even helped me.

Here's another example. My dad didn't expect me to do anything that he couldn't do, so when I was in Boy Scouts, he didn't expect me to get Eagle Scout because he didn't get to the rank of Eagle. He wanted me to, but he didn't expect me to. When I got to rank of 1st Class my parents sat me down and said, "OK, now things are going to get harder. Do you want to keep going for Eagle or do you want to stop here." When I said that I wanted to keep going their response was, "OK, we'll help you and push you to get there." With me wanting to go on, they now expected me to get Eagle. And days before my 18th birthday, when you are no longer a scout, I earned my Eagle Scout rank.

My mom always said, "It takes a little bit to be above average." Her expectation of me was to be above average. As far as I know, I have not let her or her expectation down. She is very proud of me, and tells me all the time. As I said, I know that I am blessed. The reality is every parent has expectations of their children. They generally wants what's best for them. For some parents this means pushing their children to live up to their expectations even if they are high and unrealistic. Some parents seem to expect perfection and don't settle for anything less. They think they know what's best, so they push their children to be the best, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. I don't think some parents really realize just what kind of pressure they are putting on their children.

So, the questions remain, how do deal with our parents expectations of us? How do we even find out what our parents really expect of us? Join us tomorrow night at Crash as we continue our series of Teens Vs. Parents. We'll be looking at how people try to live up to the expectations of their parents, how they deal when they can't and what we can do about our own parent's expectations. I hope to see you tomorrow night.

Imperfect Families With Imperfect People

When I was in college I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking about families. I argued that family is, to an extent, one of the few things you can (or at least should be able to) count on, families are worth fighting for. I have been very lucky to have a family that is very close & loving. My friend, on the other hand, was not so lucky. He doesn't get along with his family at all really. Yes, there are times when his family plays nice, and gets along. But for the most part, his family isn't very nice to him, and as a result he has a lot of hurt and pain. He argued that very rarely do families get along and for the most part, can't stand each other. Can you count on your family? Or are they just a big disappointment full of hurt and pain? Is there any such thing as "The Perfect Family"?

I think the answers to these questions become clear when you realize a huge truth about families. Family is full of people & people are not perfect, which means that family is not perfect. There is no family in the world that is perfect. Every family has issues & problems. My own family, although we are close & loving, are not perfect. We may look good, but I know I have caused my family pain and at times they have caused me pain. There maybe families that look good, but every family has some conflict that they will go through, at some point or another there is hurt & pain. The world is full of broken families, and families are full of hurt & pain. But what do we do with that hurt & pain? How do we respond when our families make us mad or sad, when they cause us hurt & pain?

Join us tomorrow at Crash we will begin a new series called Teens Vs. Parents. It's about the relationship between students & their parents. Over the course of the next 4 weeks we will look at different aspects of that relationship. We'll start off tomorrow night, by looking at the idea of the perfect family and how we should deal with the fact that no family is perfect because no person is perfect. I hope to see you tomorrow night at Crash.

Joe Cool Surfer

One time, while my family was on vacation in Hawaii, my brother, sister and I went surfing. We rented long boards & wetsuits and went surfing. We all had a blast, and (I think) we all stood up and actually surfed a wave that day. None of us are surfers, but for that day, we pretended to be.

While that day was really fun, there is something that is quite embarrassing that my brother and sister will never let me live down. Before I tell you, I have to say that I was young and stupid. I thought I knew it all. Anyway, we had just rented the boards and the wetsuits and had found a good beach to surf at. It was a very rocky beach but the waves were really good for beginners and quite about out from the rocky beach. We had all put on our wetsuits and were paddling our surf boards out to where the waves were. It wasn't until we got half way out that I realized I forgot to take my sunglasses off. It was that moment of realization where you realize you forgot something, and you turn back to decide if you'll go back to correct it. So you just stand there for a while looking really hard at the place of correction, but you decide it's too far and to keep pressing on. So that is what I did, I kept pressing on.

"Dude, you forgot to leave your sunglasses back with mom," my brother said.
"I know I forgot, but it's too far back," I said.
"You're going to loose your sunglasses while surfing."

Then I said the one thing I will never live down, the one thing that my siblings make fun of me for... "But I'll look cool!" That is exactly what I said. Sure enough, on the first wave that I caught and fell off of, I lost my sunglasses. They wiped right off my face. I tried to look for them for a bit, but I couldn't find them. I had lost my sunglasses... but the important thing is that I looked cool... Just kidding.

But I tell you this story because Crash is going to the beach. We will be heading out of the hot valley and to the much cooler beach. We are all going to have a blast, plus if you wear your Crash t-shirt, you'll look cool. And that's something you probably won't loose. So join us tomorrow morning at the church as we head to the beach all day tomorrow. Don't forget, bring $5, a sack lunch, a bathing suit, a towel, and money for dinner on the way home. Make sure I know you're coming so I can be sure to have a seat in a car for you.

SummerBlast Is Here!!

Hey everyone! It's been a busy week, as this week is SummerBlast at Desert Springs Church. SummerBlast is our children's, fun week long summer program. Every night this week our church is invaded with children K-6th grade who come here to sing, dance, play games and most importantly learn more about God.

The theme this year is SeekerMania. It's all about drawing near to God. Our theme verse is Hebrews 10:22, "Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water." We have been learning that, "The time is always right, and the path is always clearto pray and draw closer to God." This idea of drawing near to God correlates with a series of passages in Matthew 6:5-7:23. First Jesus teaches us how to pray. Then He talks about where we should store up our treasures. After that He talks about not worrying what's going to happen and to just trust Him. Then He talks about not judging others. Lastly Jesus talks about who we should make sure we are connected to, comparing us and Himself to branches and a tree (respectively).

I am so encouraged to see SO many students, both, junior high and high school, volunteering to make this week a success. And you're all volunteering in various areas, Games, Wow, Toons, Snacks, Jr. crew leaders, and some of you leading a crew. It's great to see you all showing you area part of this church and investing in the lives of people even younger than you.

Tonight we are heading into night 3 and things so far have been fantastic! I have been leading the games with an awesome array of volunteers, including my co-leader & partner in crime, Mr. Greg T.T. Jackson (pictured above). I definitely could not do it without all of you wonderful volunteers. Thank you so much!

Today is Crazy Hair Day, so I must go and get my hair all crazied up. Remember there is no Crash tonight, but you can still come out and volunteer. So I hope to see all of you here.

I Lost My Copy Of The Plan

Does God have a plan for everyone, even the homeless? This is a great question that was asked by a student. Does God have a plan? It's a good question, and one that I've wondered many times. Is there one overarching plan? How do we know we are within that plan? What happens if we mess up or don't choose the plan God has for us? Does that mean God's plan was wrong and He isn't perfect or all knowing? Jeremiah 29:11 seems to suggest there is a plan, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (NIV)." But is that one plan? Is it a specific or general plan? These are questions that philosophers have pondered for hundreds & even thousands of years, and still wonder today.

Here's what I think. There is no plan... at least not a specific one. A closer look at Jeremiah 29:11 shows us that the word "plans" is a poor translation. Going back all the way to the Hebrew the word there typically means thoughts, purposes, intentions. If you think about it, God's ultimate intention for all of humanity is to prosper and be blessed within a close relationship with Him. In Genesis, we find that He created man in His own image and called it, "very good." As much as God has a plan, we have free will- the power to choose. I believe that God has intentions for us, I believe He created us with a purpose, but again, ultimately it's our choice.

The main purpose of human beings is to worship, honor & praise God. "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the LORD Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him (Colossians 3:17 NIV)." God created us so we could praise Him. But what would make the praise genuine, authentic & real is if those praising Him had the choice. Think about it, everyone would say they would want someone to choose to love them, not be forced to love them. See, God wants to be in an intimate relationship with us. He wants us to choose to love Him, not to have to love Him. But free will is something for another blog post... or 50 other blog posts. Let's look back at the idea of God's intentions & purpose for us.

So in general, we are to honor & praise God in all that we do. That is very general. Let's get a little more specific about God's plan for us. One awesome thing that God did, was that He made us unique. He gave us different looks, different talents & different passions. For example, I think one of God's intentions for me is to serve as a junior high pastor. I love young people, and I love God and I love to connect the two. Those are all passions that God has given me. Another thing I love is story & pop culture, movies & music. For a brief period I actually was an actor. Honest. I had an agent, a manager, and I even did a commercial. I could have chosen to continue in that. It was another passion God gave me. Honestly, I think I could have glorified God as an actor and pointed people to Him. But ultimately I chose to work in youth ministry & to love & accept young people, and point them to Him.

God's thoughts & intentions for us, is much like a parent's thoughts & intentions for their children. One thing my mom would always tell me to encourage me was, "I just want the best for you." I can hear God's voice saying the same thing, "I just want the best for you. I can nudge you in a direction, I can open doors, & help set up meetings, but ultimately it's your choice. Remember, I want the best for you." So to answer the question, does God have a plan for everyone? I'd call them more thoughts & intentions, these are strengthened by all that He has given us: talents, passions, appearance & opportunity. His thoughts & intentions for us will also always glorify Him, but they can be played out in many different ways. He gives us everything we need to follow in His intentions for us. He wants the best for us but ultimately leaves the choice up to us. So, what are you going to choose?