Friend Or Foe?

Sometimes our parents can be our friends. They'll drive us around, make us after school snacks, let our friends come sleep over and even let us go to the mall by ourselves. Yes, our parents can in fact be cool. When they're nice, it seems like the perfect relationship, where all they care about is your happiness. I know for me, there were times when my parents were awesome. Like when I was in high school and they let me stay out till 10:30 or 11 watching a movie at my friends house. In fact, I really didn't have a curfew per say. It was just as long as I was home at a decent hour and they knew were I was.

Although they can be nice, other times it seems like our parents are just a big enemy that we're always battling. Like they won't let us go to youth group until after our homework's done. Or they make us do 50 chores like Cinderella before they let us hang out with our friends. Or during our favorite TV show they tell us that if we don't take out the trash that we'll be grounded. Or maybe they won't take us to the mall because they don't feel like it. Or maybe they cause us so much pain because in their selfishness they don't keep promises, or they're always drunk or verbally abusive. At times you feel like their goal in life is to make you miserable. Like when I was in junior high I liked to hang out in my room, talk to my friends on the phone or play video games. But I would always get in trouble because they didn't want me to hang out in my room they wanted me to hang out and talk with them, even if there was nothing they wanted me to talk about. Or they would make me weed the entire garden before I could invite friends over. They knew I hated to weed, but they made me do it anyway.

It's said that, "people who love us the most can also hurt us the most." This is so true. Those who love us most, know us most and know how to push our buttons. So, what do we do when our parents are acting like a foe. What can we do when they're causing us pain and frustration? Join us tomorrow night as we wrap up our series on Teens Vs. Parents and look at how and why our parents can be friends AND enemies and what we can do when we think they're being an enemy.

(Don't) Stick It To The Man

Have you ever noticed how much humanity loves to rebel? Everyone seems to love "sticking it to the Man." And I'm not just talking about wanting our own way and rebelling against God. Rebellion seems to be a part of who we are. Every where you turn there seems to be some sort of rebellion, some sort of fight against the ruling power. In the movie Star Wars, the Rebel Alliance fights against the Empire. In the Civil War the Confederacy fought the Union. In business, the unions fight against the companies. Criminals rebel against the government. Even a couple Christian, God fearing brothers are inciting the youth to join up in a "Rebolution" (a combination of rebellion and revolution) to fight against low expectations (in the book Do Hard Things). People rebel when they wish to live their lives opposite from the ruling authority or social majority. People fight because they think they know better.

Everyone sees rebellion within a family- a kid rebelling against his parents. We see this all the time. A child who rebels against his or her parent. Children rebel because they think they know better and what to live their lives different from how their parents want them to live their lives. Sometimes the rebellion is minor, a kid wants to die his hair blue or get their tongue pierced. But other times the rebellion is major, a kid runs away, or always do the opposite of what their parents want.

Even though I was a good kid, I still rebelled against my own parents. It didn't really heat up till I was in college. My big rebellious act was to stay up and out really late. My parents didn't like that I was staying out so late. In their minds, they were being fair & reasonable. They were worried that staying out so late would get me pulled over by the cops, or into an accident with a drunk driver. But my view was that I was an adult, over 18 and could, "live my life how I wanted." My curfew was something that my parents and I fought over many many times. Eventually we were able to talk civilly about it and come to an agreement. But not before a lot of fighting, pain and frustration.

Is rebelling against our parents really the right thing to do? Even if we have a good reason? Ephesians 6:1-3 says, "Children, obey your parents in the LORD, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' - which is the first commandment with a promise - 'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on earth.'" Why do you think God says that we'll be well and enjoy a long life on the earth if we honor and respect our parents (as opposed to rebelling against them)? We'll be talking about this and more tomorrow night at Crash. So I hope to see you all there.

Expect Expectations

I have been blessed with parents who have motivated and challenged me to be the best I can be. The best part is, what I knew they expected was hard but it wasn't impossible. They knew what I could do and challenged me to do better. For example, my parents challenged me to get good grades. They knew I could get 'B's so that was what they expected. But they help me and challenged me to get even better grades. My dad even made a deal with me that if I got honor roll he would buy me a Nintendo 64 (that was the big thing when I was a kid). I would try and try and honestly I didn't get it for a long time. It wasn't until my 8th grade year that I finally, and after a lot of hard work made honor roll. My parents knew I could do it. They didn't just expect it from me, they challenged me, pushed me, and even helped me.

Here's another example. My dad didn't expect me to do anything that he couldn't do, so when I was in Boy Scouts, he didn't expect me to get Eagle Scout because he didn't get to the rank of Eagle. He wanted me to, but he didn't expect me to. When I got to rank of 1st Class my parents sat me down and said, "OK, now things are going to get harder. Do you want to keep going for Eagle or do you want to stop here." When I said that I wanted to keep going their response was, "OK, we'll help you and push you to get there." With me wanting to go on, they now expected me to get Eagle. And days before my 18th birthday, when you are no longer a scout, I earned my Eagle Scout rank.

My mom always said, "It takes a little bit to be above average." Her expectation of me was to be above average. As far as I know, I have not let her or her expectation down. She is very proud of me, and tells me all the time. As I said, I know that I am blessed. The reality is every parent has expectations of their children. They generally wants what's best for them. For some parents this means pushing their children to live up to their expectations even if they are high and unrealistic. Some parents seem to expect perfection and don't settle for anything less. They think they know what's best, so they push their children to be the best, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. I don't think some parents really realize just what kind of pressure they are putting on their children.

So, the questions remain, how do deal with our parents expectations of us? How do we even find out what our parents really expect of us? Join us tomorrow night at Crash as we continue our series of Teens Vs. Parents. We'll be looking at how people try to live up to the expectations of their parents, how they deal when they can't and what we can do about our own parent's expectations. I hope to see you tomorrow night.

Imperfect Families With Imperfect People

When I was in college I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking about families. I argued that family is, to an extent, one of the few things you can (or at least should be able to) count on, families are worth fighting for. I have been very lucky to have a family that is very close & loving. My friend, on the other hand, was not so lucky. He doesn't get along with his family at all really. Yes, there are times when his family plays nice, and gets along. But for the most part, his family isn't very nice to him, and as a result he has a lot of hurt and pain. He argued that very rarely do families get along and for the most part, can't stand each other. Can you count on your family? Or are they just a big disappointment full of hurt and pain? Is there any such thing as "The Perfect Family"?

I think the answers to these questions become clear when you realize a huge truth about families. Family is full of people & people are not perfect, which means that family is not perfect. There is no family in the world that is perfect. Every family has issues & problems. My own family, although we are close & loving, are not perfect. We may look good, but I know I have caused my family pain and at times they have caused me pain. There maybe families that look good, but every family has some conflict that they will go through, at some point or another there is hurt & pain. The world is full of broken families, and families are full of hurt & pain. But what do we do with that hurt & pain? How do we respond when our families make us mad or sad, when they cause us hurt & pain?

Join us tomorrow at Crash we will begin a new series called Teens Vs. Parents. It's about the relationship between students & their parents. Over the course of the next 4 weeks we will look at different aspects of that relationship. We'll start off tomorrow night, by looking at the idea of the perfect family and how we should deal with the fact that no family is perfect because no person is perfect. I hope to see you tomorrow night at Crash.